still remember the sting of watching a post I poured my heart into sit quietly, unnoticed, while something hastily thrown together soared. It’s been happening to everyone lately, thanks to algorithm changes on platforms like TikTok and Instagram. Sometimes, we don’t even know why.
Then you hear the so-called specialists asking, “But was your post high quality? Did it provide value?” As if everything that goes viral on the internet is high quality.
The truth is, going viral shouldn’t be the goal anyway. I learned that the hard way when one of my TikTok videos—a random clip from Twitch where I played Phasmophobia—hit over 600K views. It went viral for the wrong audience and didn’t help me at all.
So why do we let numbers dictate how we feel about ourselves? Is it the dopamine rush of approval? Or is it something deeper—an unconscious need to feel seen, validated, worthy?
In this reflection, I want to explore that tension and share what I’ve learned about choosing authenticity over validation. Because while chasing numbers can leave us feeling hollow, authenticity is the only thing that truly fills us up.
The Psychology Behind Validation: Why We Crave Approval
Social media isn’t just a tool—it’s a carefully engineered system designed to keep us hooked. Every like, comment, and share is a breadcrumb leading us back for more. Platforms thrive when we crave validation because it keeps us coming back, posting more, checking more, needing more.
I’ve caught myself in that loop too many times to count—refreshing analytics, dissecting why one post succeeded while another flopped. It’s addictive, isn’t it? But it’s not just vanity; it’s deeply human. We all want to be seen in the best light, to curate a version of ourselves that feels worth celebrating.
We even hear advice like, “Show the human behind the work.” But let’s be honest: how often do we throw that human into the dungeons, letting only the best filters and polished moments show? We curate because it feels safer.
Psychologists call this impression management—the effort we put into shaping how others perceive us. But on social media, it can become a never-ending performance. And the audience? They’re holding the scorecards.
How Numbers Trap Us and Hurt Our Creativity
I won’t sugarcoat it: chasing numbers has cost me more than I’d like to admit. The pressure to create content that “performs” can feel like walking a tightrope between what’s true and what’s trending.
There have been times when I’ve muted my voice, softened my edges, or avoided writing about something meaningful because I thought it wouldn’t “do well.” Every time I’ve done that, I’ve lost something—my confidence, my creativity, my joy in the process.
Chasing validation is like running on a hamster wheel: exhausting, repetitive, and ultimately, it gets you nowhere. Worse, it distracts you from the kind of work that truly matters—the stories that resonate, the words that linger long after the scrolling stops.
And yet, those rare moments when someone messages me to say they felt seen or connected to my post? That makes my day. That’s what I want: to see and be seen authentically.
Why Authenticity Matters More Than Numbers
So, what does it mean to be authentic? It’s more than just “being real” or avoiding filters. For me, authenticity means showing up in my writing with my whole self—my fears, my passions, my quirks—without watering anything down to fit someone else’s expectations.
It means letting the human behind my work show. And trust me, most times, we don’t even realize how often we hide that human. We curate, we polish, and we filter to protect ourselves. But authenticity is where the magic happens.
There was a moment last year when I wrote something deeply personal and braced myself for crickets. And sure, it didn’t break the algorithm, but the responses I received felt different—raw, honest, human. That’s the kind of connection I want to foster, not the fleeting thrill of a viral post.
Authenticity isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. It cuts through the noise and creates a kind of resonance that no amount of likes can replicate.
How to Let Go of Validation and Embrace Authenticity
Letting go of validation doesn’t happen overnight—it’s a practice, one I’m still learning myself. But here are a few things that have helped me:
Set boundaries with analytics. I used to refresh my stats obsessively—first thing in the morning, during lunch, even before bed. Now I check once a week, and honestly? It’s like lifting a weight off my chest.
Create for yourself first. Before I post anything, I ask myself: Does this feel meaningful to me? If the answer is yes, the numbers don’t matter as much.
Celebrate the small victories. A heartfelt comment or message means more to me now than a spike in followers ever could.
Remember your “why.” Why did you start writing? Why does it matter to you? Keeping that at the forefront helps drown out the noise.
In my journey as a writer, I’ve learned this: numbers may be loud, but they’re never the whole story. True connection isn’t found in likes or shares; it’s found in the moments when your words touch someone’s heart, even if it’s just one person.
Authenticity won’t always win you the highest numbers, but it will always bring you the deepest fulfillment. And isn’t that why we create in the first place?
So start small. Write one post, one paragraph, one sentence that feels true to who you are. Let that be enough. Because in a world obsessed with numbers, the most radical thing you can do is show up as yourself.
